I am puke
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
