We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
