she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
