i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
