I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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