My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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