yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
