Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
