At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
