I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
