I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
