I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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