high people should be assigned attendants
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
