It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
are you so shy because you have an std?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
