I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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