I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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