After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I have feelings that need drinking.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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