i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Randomize
