she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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