I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
