Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
