I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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