its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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