I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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