i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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