Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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