tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
