I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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