I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize