Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
