DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
