nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
It's just like the Real World with babies
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
