I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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