u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
do herpes really smell.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
