Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
