All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
