Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
