she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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