I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
