I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
