i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I touched a dick in church today
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
