She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize