chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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