Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
