If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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