So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
