But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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