O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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