Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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