called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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