Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
