Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Randomize
