That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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