I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
