woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
