My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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