the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
