I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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