I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
