i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
