LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
