I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
