She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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