I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
