so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
i now understand why vodka
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
