Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
