ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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