I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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