Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
