Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize