I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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