If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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