I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
