Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
