does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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