SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
