Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
