She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
