Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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