he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
