i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
