So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I could make wine with my vomit
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
