You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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