Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
