No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
