I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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