Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
