i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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