you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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