He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize