If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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