No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
