not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
