i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
