He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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