textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
