lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
