: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Non-Jews are for practice
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
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