if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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